I was surrounded by flags from a variety of nations. It appeared that I was in a mecca of multiculturalism, surrounded by open minded and conscientious individuals who hailed from many walks of life as we prepared to consume the evening meal. The International House of Pancakes, that melting pot of world harmony, was the place to be on a Thursday night. At least that's how it seemed as the booths filled with childless couples and groups of elderly people hemming and hawing like buzzards over their senior chicken platters.

Even if it tastes like $#%!, you just don't care. - ed.

I was inconspicuously seated in what passes for a dark corner where I could work the magic of my methods unobserved. Armed with the knowledge that service was exceptionally slow, I anticipated that perhaps I would emigrate from this veritable cornucopia before ordering. In all honesty, I was feeling both indecisive about the menu and my choice to come here, but when I saw the Loaded Country Potatoes I knew that I had met with something that my readers would demand be sampled and examined. Three varieties of these fantastic treats exist to tempt the taste buds. You should go to IHOP.com to check them out, but I selected some potatoes with sausage and gravy. It looked delectable, and came with some pancakes and a side of bacon. I ordered my bacon crispy, you know, because I'm the kind of guy who special orders at crappy family chain restaurants.

I don't know what the delay had been, but I received my food about 10 seconds after everyone else who had apparently been waiting for an hour or so, which made me very happy. My waitress was polite and took really good care of me, even to the point of offering me a happy ending. I declined, paid my bill and left a generous tip. But wait, what about the food?

I guess that's the point. I nearly forgot it. It was marginal at best, basic breakfast fare. Slightly better than fast food, everything was as ordered except for the bacon, which wasn't crispy. My taste buds, even with the power of the AK-47 enhancing their abilities, couldn't make this food taste better than something that someone could make at home, poorly. Try another kind, or just get so stoned that even if it tastes like shit, you just don't care.